The Frightening Force of Habit

I freaked out a bit yesterday afternoon. I am going to try and explain why but you might not get it. I will try anyway.

I was dropping my sister off at a sleepover yesterday afternoon, and as I was turning out onto the mainroad (a road I have driven on a thousand times) I almost turned the wrong way as though I was going to drive back to my old house.

By old house, I mean the one that my family moved out of while I was in Indonesia, and, the house that I haven't been able to bring myself to drive past since I have been back in Adelaide. In that split second where I was about to make the wrong turn, I had a rapid series of thoughts which basically was along the lines of "imagine if I drove past there and parked in the driveway" how easy it would be to slip back into the routine of that old house. To go back to the different way my life was when I lived there.

That series of thoughts brought on a realisation that for some reason made me feel sick - like, human beings are so inclined to just slip back into any old habit, revert back to any old way things used to be, because it is easy to do.

My memories of that house are so vivid, like, which windows and doors the drafts blow through, which door handles are dodgy, where the light switches are for particular rooms, strategic positions for ignoring my parents etc etc.

And then moving to a new house you have to find everything out again. And it seems really annoying to have to do that, when the house before it seemed pretty much fine, and you have to focus on the reasons that you moved, as opposed to the things u liked about the house at the time.

What a random rant. Moral of the story being, I almost turned into my old street to see the house I haven't been able to look at since I got back. And the fact that I knew it would be so easy to do totally freaked me out.

If you don't get it, I understand. The force of habit has just been on my mind so much that I had to write about it, even if this doesn't make sense.